Excerpt from Production Script
EXCERPT FROM THE SCRIPT:
Tell Them NAPA Sent You - from page 2 thru page 4
SFX Shop Ding Dong Bell
SFX Different Shop Ding Dong Bell
NAPA: (TALKING ON PHONE) Yeah Joe, no, that 684 was replaced in 1987 by the
685W on the domestic models only, but if you have the original mounting brackets
you could probably get by with the D418-maybe the D412. ä.. You might wanna
pick up a conversion kit. And a universal gasket. Yeah, right, bye. (HANGS
UP PHONE.) Yup, what can I do for you?
MAX: Hi, yeah, I've got this thing. I'm not sure what it is, but I think I
need a replacement part.
NAPA: That's a Pre-emissons Master Flow Valve Sensor Unit.
MAX: It's for a--
NAPA: Yeah, a 2001 Khyber Passť Impaler. Probably the Hatchback.
MAX: You're right. Great.
NAPA: Yeah oh, well, we don't carry stuff for that model.
MAX: What do you mean, why not?
NAPA: Well you see, the Khyber Passť is pretty much a Bosnian knock-off of a
Taiwanese Tao TurnAround, which was originally designed to park between fire
hydrants and handicap spots. Then they made the engine a little bigger and trunk
a little smaller. Or was it the other way around. Anyway, basically, you're
dealing with a disposable car. It doesn't need parts.
MAX: A disposable car?
NAPA: Yeah, like razors or VCRs. You use 'em up and throw 'em out. You're not
supposed to fix 'em.
MAX: But this car's only two years old. It runs fine. All it needs is this
one master flow valve thingy.
NAPA: Probably cost you more than the car's worth.
MAX: But I like this car. My mother likes this car. She says it fits my
NAPA: Well, I'll tell you what. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I
know of a place that does pretty good generic knock-offs. It's a little bit hard
to find, but they might be able to fabricate something for you.
MAX: Great. Wonderful.
NAPA: You've go out past the Dark Mall. You're gonna wanna write this down.
There's a Pizza King, a light. Then another Pizza King. Then a another light.
Then take a right. You'll see two doors. Knock on the lower door. Don't try the
high one. Tell 'em NAPA sent you.
SFX Shop Ding Dong Bell
SCENE 2: Dwarf Cavern Fabrications
SFX Knock on Heavy Door
DWARF: (FROM BEHIND DOOR) You're knocking too high. Knock lower.
SFX Knock on different part of heavy door
MAX: That better?
DWARF: Yeah, that's ok. What do you want?
MAX: I need a car part made?
DWARF: Go away. Yeah, go away.
MAX: It's something for a 2001 Khyber Passť Impaler.
DWARF: You really oughta go away.
MAX: It's a Hatchback.
DWARF: Yeah, well, we all got our crosses to bear.
MAX: NAPA sent me.
SFX Door Creaks Open - Closes
SFX Sounds like a steel mill in full operation. Anvil/hammer in a cavern,
metal banging, hissing...
DWARF: Why didn't you say so. You should've said so. All right. You can come
in. Let's see, let's see. I wanna see that. (EXAMINES PART) Mmm, uhhh, Mmmmmm, I
MAX: (REACTS TO DWARF--THEN) Well? Can you make one?
DWARF: Did you know this is a Pre-emissons Master Flow Valve Sensor Unit?
MAX: Yeah, well, I kind of knew that.
DWARF: You know what it does?
MAX: No, not really.
DWARF: Me neither. I was hoping you'd know. But, I can make one, probably.
MAX: What is this place?
DWARF: Dwarf Cavern Fabrications. Yeah. We're Dwarfs. Yeah, yeah, we're
Dwarfs. (BEAT) I can probably make that thing for you. There's two ways you can
do it. I can make it out of iron. No wait, not iron. Iron doesn't hold magic. So
don't use iron. No, not iron. You're gonna need silver, yeah, mithril silver.
MAX: For a compact car?
DWARF: It's a bit spendy, but yeah.
MAX: Why, um, mythical silver?
DWARF: You want it to last, don't you? And it's mithril silver. It'll last a
MAX: Well, I guess I have no choice. (THINKS) I guess you better go ahead.
DWARF: Okay. You can either wait or go away.
MAX: I guess I'll wait.
DWARF: Ok, here's a magazine.
MAX: Thanks. Dwarf Digest. By the way, what's that smell?
DWARF: That's dwarfs in the morning. Yeah, Dwarfs. Yeah, I love the smell of
dwarfs in the morning. (GOES OFF MIC, SHOUTS OVER LOUD SFX) Bye.